Sexual Conquests Are No Measure of Manhood

There he is, with his thoughts and actions being tested, his moment of self definition, his moral manhood shaping up in this one decision. For on this evening, on this bed, in this house, at this party, he makes a decision that will haunt him or free him for his entire manhood life. She is drunk, she is ready, she is easy. She is ripe pickings for any guy at the party. She has the reputation that your father or grandfather alerted you to. She is the little lost girl seeking male approval. Sex has become her path to acceptance. Lust becomes a major player in this all too often repeated Friday night event.

Far past the crude bus ride jokes, the photos of beautiful unrealistic females to fantasize about or the scantily clad teen movie bombshells, this girl will be walking into second period algebra next Monday. If their eyes meet, will it be in a downcast manner? Once again, he will be staring at his moral self in the reflection of her eyes. This test is far more important to be able to pass than the upcoming one on the FOIL method later in the week.

Has this young man’s father prepared him for the reality of bad decision making when it comes to sex, like he did with his daughter? Did he take the time to sit down with his son and talk to him about the qualities of a true man? Did his questions get answered through the eyes of morality? Did good old Dad mature at all over these past 30 years? Did he share with his son the many hard realities of loosing his virginity too soon? Or did he fall short of inner fortitude and short change his own son? Did he just continue to allow his son to become a victim of todays rush into sexual adulthood at an ever increasing younger age?

A father’s aim should be to keep both of his children, daughter and son, from making a moral mistake that will affect their life forever. With over 750,000 teenage girls giving birth each year and with two thirds of them never finishing high school, this is a talk that few fathers should opt out of. Being true to yourself throughout youth is as important to our sons as it is our daughters. We teach our daughters to stay true to themselves. So why do some fathers snicker and encourage their sons to sow their wild oats on Friday nights and then pray for crop failure the next morning. By not having a father to son conservation about the truth of manhood, you fail your sons on key monumental points in his moral development.

Why are men, and fathers in particular, turning a blind eye to their son’s emotional growth into manhood? We do not want our daughters to experience the emotional damage of being used as weekend folly by boys. We do not want them to them to go through the hardship, loss of childhood, and be treated to the lack of respect that so many experience during a teen pregnancy. For generations boys are encouraged by their fathers and male friends to participate in this debauchery as a sign of their manhood.  What about our sons' childhoods? Why is it not as important that our sons are thrust into fatherhood too early? Why is it not important to speak about the responsibility of an early pregnancy and how it would affect their education and their future lives? Why is it that for generations our sons have been taught that they achieve manhood through sexual activity?

Grandfathers and fathers alike have winked their eye for generations to show an approval for this immature and immoral behavior. Why sex? Why not solid grades or producing an income, or giving to those in true need as a sign of a young man moving into manhood? Why sex indeed. Does the father need to see a son have sex at an early age quiet their question and prove that their sons are not heading towards a life style of homosexuality? We do not teach our daughters to have sex to ensure they are not gay? (Save your comments on gayness for another post)

It is time for the men of this generation to “man up” with their sons and provide them with the truths of manhood. Not being able to control a desire to act on a lustful feeling is not a sign of a manhood. Not being able to show respect to a fellow member of humanity is not the sign of manhood. Emptying yourself into another without a committed love is not a sign of manhood. Self control is, however, a sign of manhood. Manhood is stepping up to your responsibilities, not laying down with a girl to produce a fatherless child.  

Fathers, sit down with your sons and let them know the difference between a man and dog in heat. Talk to them about self control. Teach them about moral respect for themselves. Talk about the girl that is searching for acceptance through sex and how using her is wrong. Nowadays, there are too many girls without fathers in the home.  They are not hearing from a male figure about boys and being used as toys. There is no one to drill into their minds how important they are and that boys are looking for sex not love.

Do you know who is the most admired man in America is, according to women? It is not the president. It is not the military man in uniform. It is not Brad Pitt. It is not even Peyton Manning (my favorite). When asked in a recent poll, women responded that they most admire the long-term married man. A man who has successfully stayed married is a man who understands morals and responsibilities. Many young boys will never have the opportunity to have this all important conservation with their fathers because there has been no father in their lives. They are the product of a Friday Night Lust Parties or of a couple that is in love long enough to have sex but not in love long enough to be committed to the child. These children are being raised by the now strong woman who was left alone after that Friday, night, holding a secret life within.

Will history repeat itself again? Are women now left with the responsibility to be not only mother but also father as well. Until all fathers teach their sons to stay true to their moral compass, we will continue to have states spending millions to play the part of financial providing father to these children born out of wedlock. Georgia spent over $340 million to raise these children last year. Unmarried teenagers having children account for 24 percent of all unmarried expectant mothers.  Millions of dollars are spent taking care of teenage mothers and their children and they are more likely to be in the poverty bracket. On the flip side, millions of dollars are spent in prevention programs. Yet, the best prevention program is taking your son out to lunch this Sunday and teaching him about respect, morals, sex and manhood.