I can't wrap my head around this. I've tried to stay away from the news this morning, stay away from the internet and keep myself busy to not think about it. I've learned that's impossible because no matter what I do, the thought of those sons and daughters laying there, lifeless at the hands of a coward, creeps into every crevice of my mind. That's really what these folks need right now...thoughts and prayers....so I'm going to stop trying to avoid it. Thus the reason for this note.
My daughter is 6 years old and when I drop her off at school every morning, I kiss her and give her a wink as she closes the door. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like for these parents when they found out that kiss or wink was the last their child would ever get from them. Parents should never have to endure this kind of pain, nor should a child.
It's so hard for me to write these thoughts out but I feel it's something I must do to cope with this tragedy. I'm not an overly emotional person but this story grabs you by the heart and just rips and tears until you give in. My daughter doesn't understand the scope of this event and I'm not sure if I want her to. We talked about it briefly and she has asked a few questions but nothing more. She hasn't seen my or my wife's emotions yet but if that happens she'll understand because she's a smart kid.
As I drove around yesterday listening to the news unfold, my stomach was sick. Every time a new detail or picture came out I got sick to my stomach. You know that sinking feeling that goes all the way to your toes? It was hard to function and as much as I wanted to know the details, every time a new one came out it was bad. The worst part was thinking about what the victims were going through as this was all taking place. How scared were these little angels as this devil was wreaking his havoc? That's the one thought that has haunted me since hearing about this and I can't get it out of my head. Imagine how scared they were.
In the coming days, these families and first responders will need us, the American public, to keep them in our thoughts and prayers. No one should have to endure this kind of pain. I'm 1000 miles away and I'm devastated as I'm sure every parent in America is. So I'm committed to keeping these people on my mind instead of trying to avoid it. That's what we do as Americans. We stick together and we feel each other's pain. I wish I could go there and just hug them. Comfort them and tell them that although it's hard to imagine it in a time like this, God has a plan. I have to be honest I'm still questioning His call on this one as I'm sure I'm not the only one