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How to Show the 47 Percent You Really Care About Them in 17 Easy Steps by Mitt Romney

A day in the life of Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney.

(Also known as a day in the life of Mitt Romney, 10/30/12.)

Step 1: Double up on Walmart stock.

Step 2: Go Walmarting the day of a major disaster, buy $5,000 worth of groceries. (Note: Use Black Card, double miles on Mondays.)

Step 3: Hold a campaign rally the day after the disaster.

Step 4: Find out if Governor of affected state will invite you to tour damage with him.

Step 5: No step 5, subject to change.

Step 6: Rename the campaign rally "Disaster Relief Support," and leave everything else intact.

Step 7: Tell Campaign Surrogates not to engage in political warfare during this
“time of need”. (Note: Ann’s words, not mine.)

Step 8: Give the groceries piece by piece to people attending the Rally, er, Relief Support.

Step 9: Get photographed thanking the same people as they give the groceries back to you.

Step 10: Give speech putting fear of God into car workers in Ohio, something about Jeep jobs going to China (lol – just love it!)

Step 11: Remind campaign surrogates to attack opponent during their speeches.

Step 12: Realize that the Red Cross website has always said they will not accept groceries.

Step 13: Reserved for flip flop of Step 5.

Step 14: Double down on Jeep lie.

Step 15: For the love of all humanity, DON’T answer any questions! Intrade numbers will go south!

Step 16: What to do with groceries now?? Too heavy for car elevator – pass them off on Ryan.

Step 17: Remind yourself when you go to bed what a tremendous difference you’ve made – Walmart stock probably up by 5 percent!  Yeah, baby!

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The guy in seat 24B November 02, 2012 at 03:25 AM
Okay, ya got me. No double miles on Mondays.
R++ One of the Famous Dacula Crew November 02, 2012 at 03:34 AM
Question: If he becomes President and continues to lie (disputed) to your face daily like he does now .... will you be as vocal on like the Benghazi issue? In a nutshell, you're Buford DAM right we will!!!
lee kellogg November 02, 2012 at 03:46 PM
It's soo cool that wingnuts know more about Bengazigasms than than the CIA. Now they are gong to have to go after David Petrayus, who knows more about what happened than anyone except the giant hairdo, Judge Jeanne, but has to keep it secret from Sean Hannity because, well, the CIA does a lot of secret stuff. Don't let the facts get in the way. Just make them up. Notice though, that Etch-o-Sketch isn't participating in the orgy. Why? Only complete idiots lie about the secret operations of the United States government. Okay, I know Darrel Issa did, but he fits the description.
Barbara Jones November 05, 2012 at 04:14 PM
Obama has taken socialism to frightening levels. And all on borrowed money. Adding $5 Trillion to the national debt while NO ONE is better off than four years ago should have him resigning in shame.
Jeff Haas November 05, 2012 at 08:58 PM
This, of course, is poppycock, and four-year-old poppycock at that. No one who actually understands what socialism is and understands Obama's actual record can take this comment seriously. Here's an actual socialist disavowing Obama's so-called socialism: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/09/07/actual-socialist-bernie-sanders-no-obama-is-not-a-socialist/

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