(Also known as a day in the life of Mitt Romney, 10/30/12.)
Step 1: Double up on Walmart stock.
Step 2: Go Walmarting the day of a major disaster, buy $5,000 worth of groceries. (Note: Use Black Card, double miles on Mondays.)
Step 3: Hold a campaign rally the day after the disaster.
Step 4: Find out if Governor of affected state will invite you to tour damage with him.
Step 5: No step 5, subject to change.
Step 6: Rename the campaign rally "Disaster Relief Support," and leave everything else intact.
Step 7: Tell Campaign Surrogates not to engage in political warfare during this
“time of need”. (Note: Ann’s words, not mine.)
Step 8: Give the groceries piece by piece to people attending the Rally, er, Relief Support.
Step 9: Get photographed thanking the same people as they give the groceries back to you.
Step 10: Give speech putting fear of God into car workers in Ohio, something about Jeep jobs going to China (lol – just love it!)
Step 11: Remind campaign surrogates to attack opponent during their speeches.
Step 12: Realize that the Red Cross website has always said they will not accept groceries.
Step 13: Reserved for flip flop of Step 5.
Step 14: Double down on Jeep lie.
Step 15: For the love of all humanity, DON’T answer any questions! Intrade numbers will go south!
Step 16: What to do with groceries now?? Too heavy for car elevator – pass them off on Ryan.
Step 17: Remind yourself when you go to bed what a tremendous difference you’ve made – Walmart stock probably up by 5 percent! Yeah, baby!